Why Are Dogs Better than Kids?

If you follow me on Instagram, then you know I’d rather have a dog than a baby any day. It’s not that I hate kids or anything like that, I just don’t particularly like them. I adore my neice and my nephews, but when it comes to having kids of my own? Like…permanently? No thanks! I am perfectly content with my lil’ family of three dogs and cat. In my (very personal and subjective) opinion, dogs are better than kids, and in honor National Pet Parents Day (April 24), I’m sharing 22 reasons why.

Big shoutout to all the people who shared why THEY think dogs are better than kids when I posted “Why are dogs better than kids?” on my Instagram stories. Answers are included below 😉.

1. Dogs are cheaper than kids.

Don’t get me wrong, dogs are still expensive. But purchasing a dog from the best quality breeder will still be cheaper than giving birth in a US hospital, and and you wont be spending your money on that dog for the next 18+ years, sending them to college, etc.

2. You dont have to endure pregnancy and labor to have a dog.

On that note, you dont have to be pregnant and endure labor to have a dog. No morning sickness, no emergency C-sections, and no hospital bills.

3. Dogs never outgrow cuddling with you.

Not that all dogs are major cuddlers, but your dog will never hit a phase where they are legit embarassed by you/want nothing to do with you.

4. Dogs keep all your secrets.

Not only can you TELL your dog all your deepest, darkest secrets without worrying about traumatizing them for life, but you KNOW they aren’t going to share those secrets or blackmail you with them later.

5. You can swear in front of your dog and they won’t repeat it.

You can swear, drink, smoke, and have sex in front of your dog without worrying about setting a bad example or scarring them for life.

6. Dogs won’t ask for Baby Shark on repeat.

In fact, your dog won’t ask for any song or cartoon on repeat. You can actually watch or listen to the filthiest, steamiest, most inappropriate shit without worrying about whether or not it might corrupt, terrify, or traumatize your dog.

7. Your dog won’t grow up to be a serial killer or mass murderer or dictator.

I’m just saying…Hitler had a mom, too, ya know.

8. Caring for a dog gives you a sense of purpose without the crushing responsibility of raising “the next generation.”

Dogs give you a reason to get up in the morning. They offer a sense of responsibility, as their well being is entirely in your hands. I may not take a walk just for myself, but I will 100% take a walk for my dogs. That said, you don’t have to worry about the future of humanity when raising a dog.

9. You dont have to have “the talk” with them.

There will never come a time when you have to sit your dog down and explain where babies come from. Or have ANY awkward/embarassing talk, for that matter.

10. They stay young forever.

Dogs definitely don’t live long enough, but they never grow into bratty teenagers who tell you they hate you, or cynical, distant adults who never call you on the phone. No matter how old your dog gets, they will always have the playful curiosity of a kid, and that’s kind of magical tbh. If I had to choose between a dog and teen, I’ll take the dog.

11. Dogs don’t lie.

Dogs are honest. They live in the moment. They don’t deceive or manipulate or try to pull the wool over your eyes.

12. They never complain about the food you feed them.

Some dogs might be picky eaters, but they won’t demand a snack from you and then have a full meltdown when you provide said snack but didn’t cut the crust off correctly (or some such shit).

13. Dogs won’t say hateful things that hurt your feelings.

Dogs never judge you or say mean things like “I hate you” just because you didn’t get them to the park one day.

14. Dogs don’t want smartphones.

AND you don’t actually have to worry about toxic social media fucking them up. For real, though, is anyone else deeply afraid for the next generations who have to grow up in social media culture?

15. You don’t have to bathe your dog every day.

Let’s be real: dogs are work, but kids are definitely MORE work. The whole bedtime routine is like 2 hours between bathing, brushing teeth, story time, and begging them to actually go to sleep. My dog’s bedtime routine is a potty break and then sleep.

16. It’s way less likely your dog will live to see the apocalypse.

Climate change. Social unrest. A tanking economy. I’m worried enough about that stuff in my own lifetime, let alone future generations. Hopefully my dogs and I will be long dead before we have to deal with mass extinction.

17. Dogs can be left at home alone.

Sure, some dogs have severe separation anxiety that requires a lot of management, but most dogs are perfectly fine being left at home while you go off wine tasting or out on a date night or something like that. You definitely can’t do that with a baby.

18. Dogs are always happy to see you.

There is nothing better than getting home and seeing your dog go into full wiggle mode. It doesn’t matter if you were gone for 5 minutes or 5 hours, your dog is awlays happy to see you. I don’t think you can say the same thing about kids.

19. Though dogs require potty training, you dont have to wipe their ass.

Admittedly, we’ve all had moments where we’ve had to wipe our dog’s ass or pull grass out of their butthole, but it’s not every single time time. Plus, I’ve heard that potty training dogs is easier than potty training kids. Also, dogs poop outside, not in diapers.

20. Dogs don’t actually understand your words.

Sometimes it’s cathartic to tell your dog what a shithead they are for pooping on your rug (even though it’s probably your fault), and as long as you use a chipper tone, your dog won’t ever be offended or hurt.

Or repeat what you say.

21. Instead of spilling food on the floor, dogs are great at cleaning up the food YOU spill on the floor.

This morning I accidentally dropped an egg out of the fridge. June and Margot cleaned it right up (and then I sanitized the area, duh). Don’t get me wrong, dogs make their fair share of messes, but they are always on clean up control when it comes to the kitchen.

22. Unconditional love.

At the end of the day, no matter what you’ve done or the mistakes you made, no matter how messy your house is or what a slob you feel like, your dog will always love you 100%. And there is no better feeling in the world, tbh.

Dogs are better than kids

So, why do you think dogs are better than kids? Did I hit all the things? Share what reasons are missing in the comments below!